When did real soap, the brick of love that washes away all shame, become not good enough? You think that antibacterial stuff actually gets you clean? Newsflash – it smells like lighter fluid and actually spreads germs. You needed to know the truth. “Body wash” is nothing more than a marketing ploy aimed at insecure tweens that trust everything, including the sexuality of One Direction.

I, on the other hand, trust things that have been around for thousands of years, like buttons and fire and the humble bar of soap. Plus, soap doesn’t come with offensive names like “Happy Go Lather” and “Hello Hydration”. OH BOY! I’m so excited about this terrible body wash.

I covet a beautiful bar of soap. These lovely little works of art were discovered at Fragonard during a perfume-hunting trip for Les Deux Rousses. They look like they should be gracing the walls of Chartres! So much beauty wrapped up in one little, humble square. Respect, loves.