Is it me or does the Kentucky Derby look like a slightly drunk, trashier version of a royal wedding? With horses? Those hats look stressful. How do I attach it? Should I bother styling my hair? How do I keep it from banging into other hats? Can you even see the horses? These are all very important questions.

Apparently there are some pretty rich traditions surrounding this thing. The worst one is burgoo, and THAT sounds absolutely terrifying. It’s made with raccoon. Or squirrel. Basically anything lying around in your backyard. Sometimes it’s made with mutton. Are you kidding me? Mutton is 100% the world’s second most disgusting food after Cinnabon and you’re not going about this with effort, America.

The best thing about the Kentucky Derby is that it’s all over in two minutes. Which means you can go back to sipping your mint julep and worrying about your hat. The mint julep is a perfectly elegant cocktail and yours truly makes a killer one. Combine 1 oz. of simple syrup with a handful of fresh mint. Like 5-7 leaves. Don’t stress out about it. Lightly muddle. Get yourself a cute, floral glass like the one I have, above, or if you have old money, serve it in a silver cup. It gets frosty on the outside, which is very “of the manor born”. Fill your glass with ice, add 2 oz. bourbon and 2 oz. water. Top with a bit more ice and a sprig of mint. Voila!

Bisous, Madeline