A fabulous artist lives just up the road from me which is great because whenever I get depressed about my life, I walk over to his shack and realize how poor artists are. If you ever need a lift, just go visit an artist. Major self-esteem boost. His studio is filthy. It’s amazing. There are rusty chunks of metal just lying around. He has hundreds of vices. I don’t even know what those things are used for and I’m starting my own collection.

Anyway, his name is Pierre and he constructed this counterbalance light for me entirely out of salvaged materials. Artists are very resourceful. They will reuse anything to pay for the lights to stay on and another bottle of whiskey. He told me the base was used to separate cream a hundred years ago and that the little weight is called a plumb bob, and Pierre, technicalities. Just give it to me, it’s PERFECT.