Moss.

Crafting is a wonderful way to waste time. I once made twenty piggy banks out of Clorox bottles for the poor family up the lane that had twelve children and no money. I don’t know why the parents weren’t thrilled, because they were beautiful.

This craft project is one of my favorites. It gets all of those moldy yogurt containers out of the fridge so there’s more room for Moscato, and yes, we’re growing moss. First, grab some unglazed terra cotta pots and that yogurt. If you don’t happen to eat yogurt, you can substitute buttermilk. If you don’t live in a château and churn your own butter and, instead, live in your parents’ garage and drink Keystone Light, you can use that, but you probably don’t have much time for crafting. Focus on getting a job. It’s never too late.

Get a paint brush and liberally coat your pot. Don’t be stingy. Next, rub dirt all over it. Plant it with something cute (I’ve used seeded eucalyptus, but you could use anything you enjoy looking at). Water routinely to keep the pot moist, and place in a sunny location. In a few months it will look two hundred years old.